It's all I can do to keep my eyes open long enough to type this up. The past two days have been exhausting and filled with moments of not taking it easy, as I should be. I'm not a medical doctor but I like to think over the years I've received a lot of wisdom from my mother's degree in Everythingology (a degree open only to mothers) and through my own personal experience. So my diagnosis is that I have either a mix of a head cold and allergies which got more powerful as I made the journey over here, or I have swine flu. Or maybe I've just been watching too much Al Jazeera on that last one.
Yesterday we assembled at the Pilgrim Reception Center (PRC) in the morning to leave for Bahji. Every set of pilgrims is divided into several groups of roughly 30 people, including groups for different languages (Persian, French, Spanish, etc.). Thankfully our group, "G," doesn't leave until the latest time for most of the visits. I think the person who checked me in during registration could tell I'm not a morning person. God bless her, truly, because I really want to visit these places but the good Lord knows I cannot get myself out of bed before 7:00 AM no matter what time zone I'm in.
Bahji is the home of Baha'u'llah and his followers for the latter years of His life. It's located just outside the city of Akka. The complex contains the Shrine of Baha'u'llah, the Qiblih of the Baha'i Faith (the point to which we orient ourselves when praying); a visitor's center; gardens and the Mansion of Bahji, the home Baha'u'llah lived in. The Shrine itself contains the remains of Baha'u'llah.
I have to say I didn't feel like I was appropriately moved. We approached the Shrine with two other groups. Outside, we removed our shoes and then went inside where someone read the Tablet of Visitation, a portion of the Writings which is read at the Shrines of Baha'u'llah and the Bab. Thereafter we were left to our own prayers either in the main room or the small rooms off to the side. I dismissed myself to one of those rooms and prayed for myself and others. There were Persian women throwing themselves on the ground weeping and prostrating themselves like we were in mosque together. It was a very odd scene for me, and it gave me an uneasy feeling. Maybe it was my Western sensibilities flaring up, but I didn't feel "it" as much as they were. I felt calm and detached but I wasn't moved to prostrate on the floor or kneel before the threshold to the room that contained Baha'u'llah's remains.
That isn't to say I didn't feel anything during my visit to the Shrine. I did feel I had the opportunity to unburden myself of the things I seem to always carry around with me. I generate a lot of baggage for myself, and it was nice to let go of some things. There is a particular issue that, blissfully, I haven't thought about since that point up until writing this now. And even now it doesn't feel like it's as all-consuming as it was before. It's something that will be dealt with in its own good time.
By contrast, I felt my time walking in the gardens was more spiritually productive. They are all lovingly cared for and meticulously cared for by the staff of the Baha'i World Centre and their hard work shows. You can readily identify Baha'i properties, even those that are unmarked, in Haifa and Akka by the state of their condition and the surrounding grounds. In the gardens, you're disturbed only by the sound of your own footfalls and nature - the wind blowing through the trees, birds singing, bees buzzing. I didn't have a claustrophobic feeling of being in a small building with a number of other people. I didn't have to worry about other people keeping their eyes on me, watching to see if I did something out of line. So I simply enjoyed my time in the gardens, freeing my mind of having to think about anything at all.
Prayer has never been easy for me. As a child I was mercifully never forced to go to church, read the Bible or be subjected to a preacher and church society. I attended schools which focused on the sciences (and arts to a lesser extent). My upbringing was decidedly secular, a sharp contrast to most of my classmates. I never developed the habits or rituals of prayer, only stopping to pray if I wanted something. I believed in God as much as the next person but religion was neither at the forefront of my life nor did it really play any significant part.
Now the coin's been flipped, and I often find it difficult to settle down and pray as I should or have the appropriate attitude of reverence. I balk at the concept of needing to be dressed up to go to the House of Worship in Wilmette, the thought of bowing down in front of anything makes me squirm and the worshipful, kow-towing attitude with which institution members are treated leaves me with a slimy feeling. I am far more comfortable doing or at least feeling as if I'm doing something. I will sing a prayer over saying it quietly, I will tutor a study circle over hosting a devotional meeting, I will walk in the gardens of Bahji rather than prostrate before the Shrine. I comfort myself with the thought that we are defined by our deeds and not our words, that my deeds make up for my lack of prayed words, but there's still something somewhere in the back of my mind that insists maybe I'm just not devout enough or I just don't believe enough.
After Bahji, we returned to the Arc to meet the members of the Universal House of Justice. I wasn't clear whether we were meeting with the institution or its members. I assumed it was the institution first and then its constituent members afterward. Following a small welcoming address by one of its members, the members of the House came and walked through the rows to greet each one of us. Working at the Baha'i National Center has heightened my perception of how people treat members of high-ranking institutions within the Faith. I will admit the first time I met the Secretary-General of our National Spiritual Assembly I had a reaction of awe. I felt disgusted with myself afterward because our obedience and deference is to the institution, not it's members. Separate they are merely men and women, and I keep this in mind at all times - "he's just a man, like me or anyone else."
When I met each of the House members, I felt I kept the appropriate attitude. It was nice to meet them but I wasn't tripping over myself or trudging up obscure facts to try to impress them. They are all nice people who have rendered invaluable service to the Faith, but they are just men when they're coming around shaking our hands.
The evening featured a talk by Counsellor Stephen Birkland of the International Teaching Centre, but I was in my room resting. I seem to have just enough energy to make it through the day before collapsing at night. When I first returned back to the guesthouse, I had to ask the owner to use the telephone. He invited me into his home and I had coffee and cake with him and his wife. I listened to him tell stories about a few of his more difficult guests (including 30 Baha'is from the Congo - personal experience allowed me to relate to what a nightmare this must have been!), and I shared about life in Chicago and Africa.
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Today I went to Akka with 7 Persian friends - a family of two sons, one daughter, a mother and father from Vancouver and a mother and daughter from Shanghai and Adelaide respectively - and an American Baha'i from Oregon. They invited me along when I ate lunch with them yesterday, and I was very grateful for it because I didn't have a clue how I was going to arrange transportation to Akka on my own. They picked me up from my guesthouse and I learned that the American Baha'i was "Ryan." Oiy - Ryan & Bryan!
We were dropped at the Land Gate, the only way in and out of Akka in ancient (and not so ancient) times. It's very cleverly designed in an L-shape with a massive door. The walls are very thick, and it's easy to see why Crusaders, Ottomans and French alike had such a terrible time taking the city (or not taking it in some cases). We saw a number of the places associated with the stay of `Abdu'l-Baha and Baha'u'llah in the prison city, including the Sea Gate and the caravanserai where they and a number of Baha'is stayed. Lunch was at a local shwarma shop (delicious).
We did a lot of wandering around. Forgive me but I'm too exhausted to give an exhausting account of the day in Akka. It was one of the best days for me so far, just from fulfilling the dream of visiting such an ancient and important city, let alone seeing the holy sites.
Tomorrow is the Ninth Day of Ridvan celebration. The actual observance is held at 4:00 PM. I'll be having lunch with James & Annette, two friends from Hot Springs serving here, but the rest of the day is free. Assuming I'm in good health and spirits, I'll probably see some of the sights not covered in our guided tour, like the Monument Gardens, the Temple Land and the Baha'i Cemetary.
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